Amy G. Casey

I woke up this morning worrying – I think I was worrying in my dreams. Waking up like this used to be a common occurrence, but I thought I had my worrying tendencies under control. I guess the worry snuck in when I wasn’t paying attention…

I read a wonderful book about how to worry less. It’s called “Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway” by Susan J. Jeffers. We’re not talking about the real fear you feel in a dangerous situation. These are fears that live in your mind – spinning around until they become a part of your everyday life – diminishing your joy bit by bit.

Jeffers guides you through some simple processes to get to the other side of crazy. And – they work! One of her techniques is to deeply feel the worst case outcome of your worst fear. It might be awful – really horrible. And – you find out that you don’t die. That you probably could live through your worst fear if it did come to pass – which it most likely won’t.

That alone is amazing. The energy you used to spend on this constant worry can now be turned to something else. And just like with any habit, it’s a good idea to replace it with something else, or you might just slip back into it. But I wanted to take it further, to turn that depleted energy of worry into a machine for happiness.

Meditation is my method, so I chose to turn the scary scenarios of my worry into a platform for transformation. My biggest worry was that my husband would die. At times I was convinced of it happening, and felt my own grief at the news. It did make me feel kind of crazy sometimes. If that energy was having that effect on me, what was it doing to him? I know as a kid the drain that my mother’s worry was on me. I felt responsible for her obsessive focus on imminent danger and death. It surrounded me with fear.

So, in meditation I began to picture a time when my husband was happy, when he was filled with what makes him whole. And I focused on seeing him that way and how it felt. I breathed out love toward him, surrounding him with light and lifting him up in joy. This practice makes me so happy that I easily slip into seeing myself in the same light and love.

The more I practice, the less I worry. And the energy of fear dissipates and becomes peace.

Please enjoy this meditation as a first step to transforming worry to peace:

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Thanksgiving gives us a whole day to focus just on gratitude. For me, gratitude is where it all starts – balance, peace, freedom, joy, and most of all, love.

I invite you to start this Thanksgiving to thank the people in your life for their love and companionship. To give thanks for the food you eat and the place you live. For beauty in all its forms. For the pets that love you. For the good times and the tough times and the lessons you’ve learned. With gratitude, hug those you love, starting with yourself.

Then… see if you can make a habit of it.

The Staple Singers had some wise advice in their songs that’s still very relevant today. Back in 1973, their song “Be What You Are” cautions against living beyond your means – just be what you are.

I’m not trying to tell you how to do it ·
I’m only saying put some thought into it ·
Be what you are, my friend ·
And live the life

The Staple Singers

As long as I’m singin’
Then the world’s all right
And everything’s swingin!
Long as I’m singin’ my song.

Lyrics by Bobby Darin

May you see a way to sing your song every day.

Shelley Riutta in her excellent article, “The Power of Unconditional Love,” introduces you to a client who is frustrated in her marriage, thinking that if her husband would just change his crazy-making behavior, their marriage could survive.

Riutta invites her client to make a radical shift: to love those things about her husband. When I read that, it was like a kick in the head – it was so simple. But I fought it. Was I just supposed to give up my disapproval of anything that anyone I love does? The simple answer is – Yes.

I had to go take a walk and find a place to meditate on this. When I did, I realized that it was easy to do… But only if I could also do it for myself. It felt a little disorienting, because it is a radical change from how I usually think. It totally removes me from being any kind of victim in the relationship.

I had been obsessing about my weight and my husband’s lateness. How could I let these things go? I thought that the only way is to try it.

I said to myself, “I love that I can be flexible about my body, and love myself at any weight. And I love that my husband loves people so much that he finds it hard to break away for the next thing on his schedule.”

With the things that were most bothering me were now things that I could love, the things that I was overlooking came flooding over me. I had an overwhelming sense of lightness that has really taken hold of me since then. Gratitude has risen back up as number one in my life rather than resentment.

I invite you to try it.

How do you feel around people you think are really fantastic in some way? They’re super smart, beautiful, successful, wealthy, maybe even famous. How do you find yourself acting around them?

I used to be a little star-struck and intimidated about being around such star wattage. These people come across as confident and comfortable. So why didn’t I?

I was too busy comparing myself, and finding myself “less than.” I could never “compete” with these superstars, so I went small. Going small for me means fading into the background, not saying much, becoming a wallflower at the edge of the action.

Of course that behavior just reinforces the idea that I’m not cool enough to hang around the big-wigs. “They don’t even pay any attention to me! I might as well not be here.”

A couple of years ago I developed a working relationship and friendship with someone I thought was incredibly wise and beautiful. What I couldn’t figure out is why she was hanging out with me! If my energy about being “not enough” for her had stayed the same, our friendship would have died. Why? Because I wasn’t bringing enough of myself to the relationship to make it a healthy one.

I was sabotaging the friendship through my lack of self worth. She picked up on this energy and told me that I was a huge help to her, that I saw things in ways that she couldn’t. It was an equal partnership if I would let it be one. When I really looked at it, I knew it was true. I could let the fears of “not enough” go and relax into what has become a wonderful friendship.

I find it’s usually easy to make your expectations come true. And now I can see how I did it, and probably how you do it, too. I can feel when I’m about to “go small.” I usually decide to “go big” instead – show up as who I really am, not what I’m afraid might not be good enough.

How can you “go big” rather than retreating into not enough?

So much of the synchronicity I see in my life comes to me through songs. Today’s surprise was a new song, at least one I hadn’t heard before.

“I’m lookin’ for life, love and laughter, and everything in between…”

That line hooked me. The whole song made me smile – a beautiful start to my day. Besides the great lyrics, the music is laid back and fun.

When I got to my computer, I had to look it up. The song is “Life, Love and Laughter” by Donavon Frankenreiter. I’d never heard of the artist, either, and now I’m learning about him and his music. He’s a former surfer turned musical artist, living his dream.

This song talks about living for today – not looking back or forward too much. Enjoying the abundance of things you have to appreciate that are right in front of you.

Now I’m thinking about what’s “everything in between”…

Any thoughts?

Take a listen here:

I got off the phone just now with a friend who made me laugh – that up-from-the-center of your heart kind of laugh. She made my day. When I hung up I thought – “I just love her.”

That feeling comes so easily when it’s directed towards people I love.

So -when do you ever say that about yourself? “God, I love me. I’m great fun – a joy to be with.” A couple of years ago I read a book that challenged me to love myself more. And to start by repeating, “I love myself” for ten minutes. My chest tightened at the thought, but I resolved to do the exercise. “Of course I love myself – why should this be hard?”

So the next day I had some time while I was driving, so I started. “I love me.” I felt funny, and it sounded weird. But, I kept at it. “I love myself. Amy, I love you. I love, I love me, I love me.” I couldn’t believe the emotions I felt while doing this. I alternately laughed and came close to tears – why is it ridiculous or sad to love myself? And after about five minutes into it, it started to sound and feel like I might almost mean it. I looked at the clock and thought, “10 minutes is a long time!” But I kept at it.

Those few minutes in the car contained a breakthrough for me. That catharsis helped me grow in a thousand different ways, because by loving myself, I was able to treat myself the way I treat other people I love. It allowed me to accept the love within – for without that heartfelt love for myself, I was like a closed fist, which cannot receive or give.

I invite you to accept this same challenge and see where it takes you.

I was blessed to attend the anniversary celebration of some dear friends today. The pastor who married them also reaffirmed their vows – 50 years later.

He talked about how, 50 years ago, the couple vowed to love, honor and obey. He said that today, many wedding ceremonies skip the obey part. Personally, it’s always made me cringe, because it implied an abuse or at least imbalance of power. But here’s what he said about it:

“50 years ago, the groom started a bank account. He handed his bride a check book and said, ‘When you’ve got something to put in it, use the forms in the back. When you want to buy something, use the ones in the front. Do whatever you want with it – I trust your intelligence and your wisdom. Can you do this thing that I ask of you?’

And the bride told her husband-to-be, ‘I promise to always protect you, and to take care of you and help you build a fruitful life. To always nurture our family and love you. Can you allow me to do this for you?’”

In a few moments, the beautiful words of this pastor changed the way I thought of the word “obey.” Instead of a term of opression, it became another word for trust.
Amen.