Amy G. Casey

Shelley Riutta in her excellent article, “The Power of Unconditional Love,” introduces you to a client who is frustrated in her marriage, thinking that if her husband would just change his crazy-making behavior, their marriage could survive.

Riutta invites her client to make a radical shift: to love those things about her husband. When I read that, it was like a kick in the head – it was so simple. But I fought it. Was I just supposed to give up my disapproval of anything that anyone I love does? The simple answer is – Yes.

I had to go take a walk and find a place to meditate on this. When I did, I realized that it was easy to do… But only if I could also do it for myself. It felt a little disorienting, because it is a radical change from how I usually think. It totally removes me from being any kind of victim in the relationship.

I had been obsessing about my weight and my husband’s lateness. How could I let these things go? I thought that the only way is to try it.

I said to myself, “I love that I can be flexible about my body, and love myself at any weight. And I love that my husband loves people so much that he finds it hard to break away for the next thing on his schedule.”

With the things that were most bothering me were now things that I could love, the things that I was overlooking came flooding over me. I had an overwhelming sense of lightness that has really taken hold of me since then. Gratitude has risen back up as number one in my life rather than resentment.

I invite you to try it.