Amy G. Casey

I recently read one of those lists of wise words. This one was from a woman who was nearing one hundred years old, and it was her advice about how to live a satisfying life. One line that has really stayed with me is, “What other people think about you is none of your business.”

I read that line when I needed to see it, but at first it was a little jarring. Then I thought about it again and it made sense. Of course – I have no control over what other people think! I was struggling with being accepted. That wise advice helped me to let that go. It feels like freedom.

I woke up this morning out of a disturbing dream feeling angry. In the dream, I was mad at my brother for not taking care of himself – I felt that he had made poor decisions about how he lived. I thought that he was putting other peoples’ opinions above his own needs.

This dream was very vivid and has stayed with me all day. Finally, I took a few minutes, took some deep breaths, and asked tmy inner guidance what this meant. The answer came almost immediately – a gentle question asked of me: How have you been giving away your power – placing yourself at the bottom? How have you been leaving yourself behind?

Of course. It always comes back to self. With a sigh and a laugh, it was immediately clear to me that I do this in many ways. By fearing that what I do will make other people feel bad. By assuming that things must happen or be a certain way. By imposing rules on myself that I’ve learned from surviving a dysfunctional family. Those rules no longer serve.

The other important question that came through Spirit was: Why were you so angry at your brother? How do his choices about his own life have anything to do with you?

This one was hard for me to look at – I thought I was better at respecting the people I love – “letting” them live their lives. But – I’m my brother’s keeper, right? Wrong. He is best equipped to make his own decisions, as we all are for ourselves. What I can do is listen to him, love him, and lift him up to the light. And let him go.

I got off the phone just now with a friend who made me laugh – that up-from-the-center of your heart kind of laugh. She made my day. When I hung up I thought – “I just love her.”

That feeling comes so easily when it’s directed towards people I love.

So -when do you ever say that about yourself? “God, I love me. I’m great fun – a joy to be with.” A couple of years ago I read a book that challenged me to love myself more. And to start by repeating, “I love myself” for ten minutes. My chest tightened at the thought, but I resolved to do the exercise. “Of course I love myself – why should this be hard?”

So the next day I had some time while I was driving, so I started. “I love me.” I felt funny, and it sounded weird. But, I kept at it. “I love myself. Amy, I love you. I love, I love me, I love me.” I couldn’t believe the emotions I felt while doing this. I alternately laughed and came close to tears – why is it ridiculous or sad to love myself? And after about five minutes into it, it started to sound and feel like I might almost mean it. I looked at the clock and thought, “10 minutes is a long time!” But I kept at it.

Those few minutes in the car contained a breakthrough for me. That catharsis helped me grow in a thousand different ways, because by loving myself, I was able to treat myself the way I treat other people I love. It allowed me to accept the love within – for without that heartfelt love for myself, I was like a closed fist, which cannot receive or give.

I invite you to accept this same challenge and see where it takes you.